Meta-OCD: What if I like my OCD thoughts?

A common question from people that struggle with OCD is “what if I like my intrusive thoughts?” “Is it ok if I like my intrusive thoughts?”

This is an OCD subtype called “Meta OCD” — and is characterized by obsessing over obsessing.

Obsessing over obsessing is still a form of OCD, but instead of zeroing in and focusing on the content of the intrusive thought and what it might mean, you instead obsess over and question the feelings or lack of feelings around the thought.

You might have an intrusive thought and then question if the thought bothered you as much as it should have. Maybe you question if you liked the feelings associated with the thought. Maybe you experienced a groinal response because of the thought.

Obsessing over an Obsession can look like:

• I didn’t experience anxiety over that thought – does that mean I liked it?
• I zoned out during that thought – does that mean I liked it?
• I wasn’t as bothered by that thought as I should be – does that mean I liked it?
• Do I really have OCD?
• If I like my thought – does that mean I don’t have OCD?
• What if I don’t have OCD and I’m a bad person because I enjoy these thoughts?
• What if I’m faking my OCD?
• I can’t believe I like this thought
• Why didn’t I cringe?

Absence of Anxiety Does not Mean that you Like or Enjoy a Thought

The cycle of OCD is intrusive thought >> anxiety >> compulsion >> temporary relief. It’s important to remember that an absence of anxiety does not mean that you like or enjoy a thought.

Questioning whether you like your intrusive OCD thoughts and then searching, mentally, on the internet, or by asking family and friends for evidence is and of itself an intrusive thought followed by a compulsion.

As an example, let’s say that your intrusive thought is the image of someone of the same sex. You may then wonder: “am I attracted to someone of the same sex? Am I straight? Am I gay? Do I like the idea of being gay?”

These thoughts can go in the reverse, too.

Maybe you are gay and have thoughts of someone of a different sex: “am I really gay? Is it possible that I’m actually straight?” “Do I like the idea of being straight?”

Maybe you question whether you have OCD or not. “I didn’t experience any anxiety from that thought. Does that mean I don’t actually have OCD?”

A compulsion in relation to questioning if you liked a thought is checking and asking yourself “did I like that thought?”

Questioning whether you liked the thought is no different than questioning if you experienced arousal due to a thought or image. It is still a compulsion, and it is a form of self-reassurance seeking.

In this case, you have an intrusive thought, question if you experienced a lack of immediate anxiety and then start questioning whether you liked the thought or not.

This questioning is anxiety. This anxiety prompts you to continue asking yourself if you liked the thought, which turns into mentally reviewing and checking to see if there were any physical or emotional indications that you enjoyed your thought.

You may even ask a family member or friend if they think you liked the thought, and their response will often be the reassurance that you seek. You might even give yourself reassurance.

Questioning whether you like a thought or not can look like:

• Did I like or enjoy that thought?
• Did that thought cause arousal? Does that mean I liked it?
• I didn’t experience any anxiety. Does that mean I enjoyed that thought?
• If I enjoyed that thought, am I bad? Am I still a good person?
• If I didn’t immediately push the thought from my mind, does that mean I enjoyed it?
• Asking a family member or friend if they think you liked the thought
• Asking a family member or friend if they think you have OCD or if it was a misdiagnosis
• Researching on the internet
• Avoiding situations, people, or events to prevent intrusive thoughts
• Maybe you repeat the thought that brought on the likeable feeling or arousal to see if you experience the same reaction again

This questioning and reassurance seeking behaviours are forms of compulsions to help bring you relief from your OCD. Remember, compulsions give you temporary relief, over the long-term, completing compulsions will make your OCD worse.

People without OCD don’t question their thoughts, they don’t analyze every thought, and they don’t ask family members for reassurance about liking their thoughts or being a bad person.

Questioning if you like your thoughts, is OCD.

Now that I know it’s OCD – what can I do about it?

The gold standard treatment for all subtypes of OCD is Exposure, Response, Prevention (ERP.)

ERP works by facing your fears, or the uncertainty around your intrusive thoughts and images.

OCD causes people to doubt their thoughts, and to feel uncertain about who they are. The key to moving forward and breaking free of your OCD is to embrace the uncertainty.

Here are some examples of Meta-OCD exposures:

• Did I like that thought? I don’t know! Maybe I did. I guess I’ll never know!
• Avoid researching OCD and intrusive thoughts on the internet
• Avoid asking family and friends for reassurance
• I’m so glad I liked that thought
• Choose to just agree with the thought

Remember – everyone’s OCD is different! As such, exposures will be specific to you and your struggles. It’s important that you start the OCD process with an OCD expert.

There is hope!

To a person struggling with TOCD, it may seem hopeless. But there are treatments that can give people relief. 

ERP, the gold standard treatment for OCD, is the most effective way to combat obsessions, intrusive thoughts, and compulsions.  Are you struggling with Meta-OCD? Contact us today to find a therapist to help you.

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